OSX calls me

Hello, my name is MJIOLNIR, I am a custom built computer owned by an avid gamer and graphic designer. When I was finally assembled, the first thing my owner did was install a fresh copy of Windows XP and strip it of everything he didn’t want on there, and add an alternate .dll file to allow him to customize the look and feel of Windows.

Once this was done, he had to go mess with my settings to let Windows take full advantage of the massive power I wield. Finally, it was like a load had been lifted from me. My RAM and Processor, as well as my Hard Disks were cleared up so that my operating system was barely touching them, allowing the expensive parts inside me to be used how they were intended to be used.

Even having been cleared up like this, I was still losing a lot of my ram to windows, because of many superfluous processes I couldn’t turn off. So many times, when my owner was busy playing games or working on interfaces, I would be forced to come up and annoy him informing updates had been installed, and that he would need to restart me. Every now and then, he would be in the middle of typing something, and accidentally accept, closing whatever he was working on too fast for him to save.

Oh the beatings I get for that! I still live in fear of every update to my operating system.

Then one day my owner discovered some information on the newest version of my operating system. If he beat me for a minor inconvenience, I fear for my circuits when I think of how mad and violent he will become when I finish installing that… Thing on me! I fear he will use a baseball bat, or thermite, or worst of all, get rid of me completely and switch to a Macintosh!

I really don’t want to die, but I also don’t want to have a visual style that looks like OS X got crammed in a wood chipper and pissed on by Satan, who then coated me in a thick layer of RAM consuming tacky. I’ve heard that this new Vista thing takes 15Gb of hard disk space. This will make my owner very angry, because he yells at me all the time saying “I didn’t put $5000 worth of parts in you just so your gosh-darn OS can eat it all up!” I had to censor that.

I’m also terrified of the built in security features. My owner says that when he pays for something, he wants full control over it, and he hurts me real bad if I don’t give him what he wants. With my RAM, processor, hard disk, and graphics card being rapidly consumed by my OS, my days will surely be numbered.

The worst part of all this is the lack of other alternatives, which means my owner has already agreed to this abomination so he can play his games. This means many long nights of being kicked, yelled at, and if my current OS is any indication, cold-booted.

I have to go now, if my owner finds out I’m using system resources behind his back, I’ll be in a world of pain!

-MJIOLNIR